03/10
Healthy vs. Unhealthy Conflict
Conflict is a natural part of life. Whether in families, friendships, workplaces, or even within the church, disagreements arise because we are imperfect people with different perspectives, emotions, and needs. However, conflict can either be an opportunity for growth or a destructive force that damages relationships and dishonors God.
As followers of Christ, it is crucial to discern the differences and handle conflicts in ways that reflect God’s love and truth. First, we need to recognize signs of unhealthy conflict in our lives.
As followers of Christ, it is crucial to discern the differences and handle conflicts in ways that reflect God’s love and truth. First, we need to recognize signs of unhealthy conflict in our lives.
Signs of Unhealthy Conflict
Personal Attacks Instead of Addressing Issues: Unhealthy conflict often shifts from the problem at hand to attacking a person’s character. This kind of behavior disregards the biblical command to build one another up (Ephesians 4:29).
Bitterness and Unforgiveness: Lingering resentment and an unwillingness to forgive indicate that the conflict has not been addressed in a godly way. Hebrews 12:15 warns, “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”
Avoidance and Withdrawal: Ignoring conflict or withdrawing from relationships may seem like peacekeeping, but it often breeds further misunderstanding and unresolved tension. Proverbs 18:1 cautions, “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.”
A Desire to Win at All Costs: When the focus of conflict becomes winning rather than reconciliation, relationships suffer. James 4:1-2 explains that selfish desires are often at the heart of quarrels: “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?”
Bitterness and Unforgiveness: Lingering resentment and an unwillingness to forgive indicate that the conflict has not been addressed in a godly way. Hebrews 12:15 warns, “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”
Avoidance and Withdrawal: Ignoring conflict or withdrawing from relationships may seem like peacekeeping, but it often breeds further misunderstanding and unresolved tension. Proverbs 18:1 cautions, “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.”
A Desire to Win at All Costs: When the focus of conflict becomes winning rather than reconciliation, relationships suffer. James 4:1-2 explains that selfish desires are often at the heart of quarrels: “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?”
Biblical Remedies for Unhealthy Conflict
Humble Yourself and Seek Wisdom: The first step to addressing unhealthy conflict is humility. Humility allows us to acknowledge our faults, admit when we are wrong, and approach others with a heart willing to listen. James 1:19-20 advises, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” Prayerfully seek God’s wisdom before entering difficult conversations (James 1:5).
Speak the Truth in Love: When addressing conflict, our words should aim to heal, not harm. Ephesians 4:15 calls us to “speak the truth in love.” This means being honest about the issue while maintaining kindness, gentleness, and respect. Avoid accusatory language and focus on resolving the issue rather than placing blame.
Choose Forgiveness and Let Go of Bitterness: Forgiveness is essential for resolving conflict in a Christ-like manner. Colossians 3:13 encourages, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Forgiveness does not minimize the offense but releases the offender from the debt they owe us, just as God has forgiven us.
Seek Reconciliation Through Peacemaking: Jesus taught that peacemakers are blessed (Matthew 5:9). Actively seek reconciliation by addressing issues with a desire for unity, not division. Romans 12:18 states, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” This may include mediation from a neutral party, such as a pastor or counselor.
Pray for Wisdom and Bless Those You Disagree With: Prayer is a powerful tool in managing conflict. Pray for wisdom in handling the situation and for God to soften your heart and the heart of the other person. Jesus commands us to bless those who may even oppose us: “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). This act of obedience aligns our hearts with God’s purposes.
Speak the Truth in Love: When addressing conflict, our words should aim to heal, not harm. Ephesians 4:15 calls us to “speak the truth in love.” This means being honest about the issue while maintaining kindness, gentleness, and respect. Avoid accusatory language and focus on resolving the issue rather than placing blame.
Choose Forgiveness and Let Go of Bitterness: Forgiveness is essential for resolving conflict in a Christ-like manner. Colossians 3:13 encourages, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Forgiveness does not minimize the offense but releases the offender from the debt they owe us, just as God has forgiven us.
Seek Reconciliation Through Peacemaking: Jesus taught that peacemakers are blessed (Matthew 5:9). Actively seek reconciliation by addressing issues with a desire for unity, not division. Romans 12:18 states, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” This may include mediation from a neutral party, such as a pastor or counselor.
Pray for Wisdom and Bless Those You Disagree With: Prayer is a powerful tool in managing conflict. Pray for wisdom in handling the situation and for God to soften your heart and the heart of the other person. Jesus commands us to bless those who may even oppose us: “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). This act of obedience aligns our hearts with God’s purposes.
Through humility, truthful communication, forgiveness, peacemaking, and prayer, we can overcome the pitfalls of unhealthy conflict and reflect the love and grace of Christ.
Let us commit to being agents of peace in our relationships, seeking unity and reconciliation as an act of worship to our Savior. As Philippians 2:3-4 reminds us, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
Let us commit to being agents of peace in our relationships, seeking unity and reconciliation as an act of worship to our Savior. As Philippians 2:3-4 reminds us, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”