06/10
Purpose of Dating
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
Genesis 2:24
“Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”
Romans 12:9-10
Have you ever asked yourself this question: What is the Purpose of Dating? Why not just skip dating? People who have had bad dating experiences in the past may especially be thinking about this. There is something very attractive about the idea of skipping the whole dating scene. However, don't make the mistake of thinking that dating isn't important. Dating is very important! There is actually a healthy process that can happen within a dating relationship when you honor God in that season. Whether that period of dating is 3 months or 3 years, when it is done correctly, there should be something very important happening, and that is the building of trust between you and that other person. The purpose of dating is to see if you can trust that other person and also to see if they can trust you. Over time, either that trust will be built up to a place where you feel ready to take that next step, or there will not be enough trust in place to take that step. Either way, dating has served as a filter to ensure you aren't dating someone you shouldn't. Here are 5 areas(which all begin with the letter 'C') that will help when it comes to building mutual trust.
1. Character builds trust: A faithful, humble, and selfless person can be trusted. The opposite is a person who is untrustworthy, proud, and selfish with an attitude of how you can serve them.
2. Connection builds trust: A person who is approachable, patient, gentle, and kind is a person who you will develop a strong connection with and are more likely to trust. The opposite of these should be a major red flag in any relationship.
3. Confidentiality builds trust: When you share your hopes, dreams, fears, plans, and goals with a person and there is a level of confidentiality, you are more likely to trust a person. But if they gossip or talk about you to their friends, trust is lost.
4. Consistency builds trust: A person who shows consistent behavior, without massive highs and lows and inconsistent attitudes is a person you can trust much more than a person who is inconsistent.
5. Commitment builds trust: A person who doesn't date multiple people at once, but instead chooses to respect and honor you through exclusivity is someone much more likely to be worthy of your trust.
As you date someone, or perhaps even after the first one or two dates, you will come to one of two conclusions: I can trust this person because of the 5 reasons above. Or, I cannot trust them. If you cannot trust them, then something needs to change quickly. You cannot continue in the relationship as is. Relationships without established trust don't fix themselves, and especially don't get fixed by just getting married. Those issues that were present in dating will be amplified in marriage, not diminished. You need to either create space if you are not yet dating or break up with them if you are. If you choose to give them another chance, make sure you are vocal about what that looks like and what you expect from a relationship built on mutual trust. That wake-up call may be just what that other person needs for their own spiritual growth.
Genesis 2:24
“Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”
Romans 12:9-10
Have you ever asked yourself this question: What is the Purpose of Dating? Why not just skip dating? People who have had bad dating experiences in the past may especially be thinking about this. There is something very attractive about the idea of skipping the whole dating scene. However, don't make the mistake of thinking that dating isn't important. Dating is very important! There is actually a healthy process that can happen within a dating relationship when you honor God in that season. Whether that period of dating is 3 months or 3 years, when it is done correctly, there should be something very important happening, and that is the building of trust between you and that other person. The purpose of dating is to see if you can trust that other person and also to see if they can trust you. Over time, either that trust will be built up to a place where you feel ready to take that next step, or there will not be enough trust in place to take that step. Either way, dating has served as a filter to ensure you aren't dating someone you shouldn't. Here are 5 areas(which all begin with the letter 'C') that will help when it comes to building mutual trust.
1. Character builds trust: A faithful, humble, and selfless person can be trusted. The opposite is a person who is untrustworthy, proud, and selfish with an attitude of how you can serve them.
2. Connection builds trust: A person who is approachable, patient, gentle, and kind is a person who you will develop a strong connection with and are more likely to trust. The opposite of these should be a major red flag in any relationship.
3. Confidentiality builds trust: When you share your hopes, dreams, fears, plans, and goals with a person and there is a level of confidentiality, you are more likely to trust a person. But if they gossip or talk about you to their friends, trust is lost.
4. Consistency builds trust: A person who shows consistent behavior, without massive highs and lows and inconsistent attitudes is a person you can trust much more than a person who is inconsistent.
5. Commitment builds trust: A person who doesn't date multiple people at once, but instead chooses to respect and honor you through exclusivity is someone much more likely to be worthy of your trust.
As you date someone, or perhaps even after the first one or two dates, you will come to one of two conclusions: I can trust this person because of the 5 reasons above. Or, I cannot trust them. If you cannot trust them, then something needs to change quickly. You cannot continue in the relationship as is. Relationships without established trust don't fix themselves, and especially don't get fixed by just getting married. Those issues that were present in dating will be amplified in marriage, not diminished. You need to either create space if you are not yet dating or break up with them if you are. If you choose to give them another chance, make sure you are vocal about what that looks like and what you expect from a relationship built on mutual trust. That wake-up call may be just what that other person needs for their own spiritual growth.
BIBLE READING PLAN
Check out this 7 day bible plan below for some great insight on dating well and dating to honor God!