Anyone who has grown up in a family has seen fights in one form or another. Every family argues with each other, even families you would assume from looking at them that they are nothing but compassionate and peace-loving. The way other families fight with each other might look different based on their dynamic; in one family, the fighting may be name-calling and accusations, and in another, it could be back-biting or passive-aggressive retaliation. In another, it could be long-held grudges and timely gossip, or it could even be full-on physical altercations. The point here is that whether they love each other or despise each other...family fights. The fights may happen daily, weekly, or every thanksgiving when the subject of politics is brought up. There will always be some form of conflict, disagreements, divisions, and feelings of unfairness or jealousy.

The question is not if there will be conflict between people who do life together. We know that is a certainty. The real question is why these fights occur, what is being revealed through the conflict, and how these conflicts are resolved (if ever). We know that, generally, outbursts of anger don't come out of thin air, they come from within. They come from a heart that is overflowing in a way that reveals a desire. Let’s explain that idea a bit more; a person desires something they don't have and sees someone else as the reason they don't have whatever they desire. That person standing in the way of what another person wants will be the one who then takes the brunt of frustration and anger. Thoughts of envy, bitterness, insecurity, and anger often grow in the heart and lead to strong feelings, which then overflow into words and actions. This exact scenario plays out millions of times a day all over the world as it has for thousands of years.

James is direct in his questions and assessment of this reality of conflict. He equates the conflict and battles that happen out in the open with the battles and conflicts that first happen within. This is a logical and reasonable explanation of quarrels and where they come from, but then James makes a bold statement by declaring that you do not have because you do not ask God, and you also have the wrong motives. James adds a supernatural element to what was, up to that point, a totally natural and philosophical conversation topic. The reason we don't have the desires of our hearts is that we are selfish people, and we seek to be the source of our own happiness. True happiness comes when we flip that idea completely upside down; when our motives align with God, and we see God as the source of those desires which are now in alignment with God. And because God is the source, and he is our loving father, we ask him for what we desire. There is no conflict, battle or quarrel necessary.