07/10

Total Selflessness 

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.”
Ephesians 5:22–27

In this passage, husbands are told to love their wives, not in a way that seems right to them, but in the same way that Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. This is the deepest form of love that you could hope to hold, a love that is totally self-sacrificing to the point you are willing to give up your life for your bride. This is not a halfway love, a conditional love, or even a transactional love where it's based on what the other person is willing to do for you in return. Christ's love, the kind of love we should have for our spouse, is totally and freely given without promise of exchange. In return, the wife freely and willingly submits to her husband, not as a servant or lesser piece of the marriage, but in honor and respect for who God created the man to be. The wife is willingly and happily submitting to her husband because she knows that he has her best interest in mind and his heart is hers, in the same way, her heart now is his.

Marriages that exist with this mentality will be the strongest and most content marriages there are, but sadly, many marriages opt for a 50/50 approach instead of 100/100. Each spouse withholds a part of themselves from their spouse, each waiting for the other to move first and each not wanting to hold less power or leverage in the relationship than the other. They have a mindset that whoever cares more and serves the other more somehow has a lower status in the pecking order of the relationship. This marriage will always be plagued by suspicion and resentment. The key is to not wait for your spouse to act, but to fully give yourself to your spouse. Leave what happens next in God's hands.

REFLECTION QUESTIONS

  • What is your initial reaction to Ephesians 5 and how it displays the roles for both husband and wife? How do you think these roles are displayed in a healthy, Christ honoring marriage?
  • Be honest with yourself, are there areas in which you are giving or loving your spouse with a selfish expectation of getting something back in return? How is this leading to disappointment or causing strife in your marriage? How can you let go of these expectations to love your spouse more selflessly?