Train up a child in the way they should go: and when they are old, they will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6

Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline.
Revelation 3:19
 
And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says, “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.” Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? 8 If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Hebrews 11:5-11

One major challenge parents increasingly face in the modern age is the issue of discipline. There are many methods of discipline (or the lack of it) that are prevalent on social media and all over the internet. Doctors and self-proclaimed parenting experts seem to always be sharing new techniques and styles of discipline that become popular and are spread and shared as if this is now the only correct way to discipline. While there may be helpful advice and tips on the internet and in parenting magazines, our source of truth for how to raise and discipline children is not found in human sources but in God's word. Let's dig into two passages of scripture as examples.

The first verse, found in Proverbs 22:6, tells us that if we “train up a child in the way they should go, when they are old, they will not depart from it.” What this doesn't mean is that if we train children to love Jesus, and if we tell them Bible stories and bring them to church, they will 100% grow up to live a God-honoring, Christian life. We know from experience that this doesn't always happen. Many children brought up in a good Christian home grow up to depart and rebel from God, and we know that children brought up in very unhealthy, toxic, and un-Christian environments can and have found Jesus and lived very God-honoring lives. So what does this verse mean? The last line, "They will not depart from it," is the key. What is 'it'? It is the 'Way' which is referred to in the first part of the sentence. The Way is the idea of right and wrong, the right path that God has laid out in front of them and the wrong path the world has laid out in front of them. This is the idea of being aware of and knowing what is right and wrong, what is of God, and honoring God and what is not. When we as parents train our children in what is right and wrong, it doesn't guarantee they will walk in what is right, but it does guarantee that they will know the difference between the two, and if they choose to do what is wrong, they will know it is wrong. This also means there will be some level of conviction. It is not up to us as parents to decide what they will do with that conviction, only that we did our part in instilling what is right and wrong in them. They may depart from what is right for a season, but we hold out hope that they will come back to the wisdom and example taught in childhood. Like the prodigal son in scripture who comes to his senses, we pray that if our child does go astray, they will realize their mistake and return back home.

The next idea we need to look at is getting a biblical understanding of what discipline is. People often hear the word discipline or punishment and associate it with something negative. But this is not the case. Discipline, in a biblical sense, is a much-needed act of loving guidance that parents use to help their children. Jesus declares that he disciplines us because he loves us. In fact, a parent who does not discipline their child does not really love their child. They may claim to love them or have feelings of love, but love is beyond simply a feeling. Love is a choice and an action to do what is best for your child, and discipline is best. We know the consequences of a lack of discipline. This leads to apathy, selfishness, unrighteousness, pride, a lack of peace, and turning inward. But true Godly discipline is a method by which we train our children to 'share in his holiness'. It may not be pleasant, and actually painful, both for the child and parent, but there is a harvest of increased righteousness and peace for those who are being trained by it. One thing we all want for our children is freedom in Christ. We don’t want our kids to be enslaved to anything; addiction, guilt, bitterness, anxiety, ignorance. So our prayer for each of you is that you too would decide to be intentional about pointing your kids towards this freedom, and a major way that happens is through understanding biblical discipline and making that a part of your family. One major key to instilling discipline into a family is that it comes from a place of relationship. Discipline and rules without a relationship lead to rebellion and resentment. However, discipline that comes from a place of relational trust will lead children on a path toward Christ. Discipline always comes from love, not from anger, resentment, or bitterness. It is always rooted in wanting what is best for our children.

So what are the main ideas being expressed here? The first is that we as parents should seek to know what God's word says about raising children far beyond what any human has to say. This goes beyond the scope of what we can cover in a simple short devotional. There is a wealth of resources on the subject for parents who want to learn and grow. The second idea is that we are responsible as parents to do our part in presenting our children with God's word so that they know what is right and wrong. We are not responsible for their actions, only that we did our part. The third idea is that we need to change our view of discipline, not as something ugly and unnecessary, but to adopt a biblical view of embracing Godly discipline and to continue to resource ourselves as to how this looks in our own families.

Would you like to go deeper? Click the link to watch this True North resource on “Prodigal Children”.