John 1:14 & 17 The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.... (Vs 17) For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.

There was recently a reality TV show called The Parent Test that put 12 families under the microscope to complete what the producers called the ultimate parenting stress test. The point of the show was to go behind the scenes and explore 12 very different parenting styles and determine which one was best. These were the main driving questions: "What parenting style is the best way to parent and why?" "Is there a right way to parent your children?" "Why are some styles more effective than others?" The parenting styles were each named and ranged from Natural, New Age, Routine, Intensive, Helicopter, Free-Range, Child-led, friend-parenting, and more. Within the show, participating parents were not only encouraged to promote their parenting style as being best, but to also criticize the other approaches and explain how the other parenting styles would not work. Suffice it to say, things got heated. This topic has become increasingly polarizing and controversial on social media, YouTube, blogs, websites, and now even TV shows. Everyone promotes and defends their own views as being right and best and in turn, every other view as being wrong or somehow falling short. But if every parenting style is said to be wrong by someone else, how could we possibly know what the right way to parent is? The correct answer to this question is that we as Christians adopt a Biblical style of parenting, and we look first to God's word as the foundational basis of raising children rather than looking primarily to modern society to tell us how to parent. This does not mean that modern society and parenting resources cannot be useful, it only means that these should not be our primary source.

So what exactly does biblical parenting mean and what does it look like? Biblical parenting is first and foremost parenting in a way that reflects and honors God: it reflects his nature, his principles, his values, and most of all seeks to glorify God in all we say and do. If you want to know how to reflect God, look to Jesus, because Jesus is the perfect reflection of God. In our lives we want to reflect Jesus; in our marriages and in our families as well, so it makes sense that this also works in parenting. Godly parenting is simply parenting in a way that accurately reflects Jesus and this is where our key verse comes in: (Read John 1:14 again) Jesus was always full of Grace, and Jesus was always full of Truth. Many stories reflect this balance Jesus held. The story of the women at the well and the story of the women caught in adultery are good examples. So what does this look like in the home and when it is applied to parenting? What does a grace-filled home look like? That would be a home full of compassion, kindness, sympathy, forgiveness, friendship, empathy, mercy, understanding, and patience. These are all good things that every home should have, and every parent should reflect on and teach. But it is not everything. There is another half that is also very important. What does a truth-filled home look like? It is a home that promotes self control, diligence, steadfastness, obedience, commitment, consistency, justice, and tough love. These are also all good things that every home should have, and every parent should reflect on and teach. The key is in the balance of both grace and truth; not one or the other, but a balance of both.

When most people think of the word discipline or Godly discipline, they think only of the truth side. And when people think of a loving home, they generally think only of the grace side. However, a true biblical parenting style is a healthy balance of both; a household full of grace and full of truth. Both self-control and compassion. Both justice and forgiveness. Both diligence and patience. Both tough love and mercy. The problem is that most people, most parents, and most households lean heavily and favor one way or the other. Whatever comes more naturally to you, you see value in it and you elevate it, and at the same time, you also devalue and neglect the other. If self-control and obedience are more natural and important to you, you elevate those, while devaluing sympathy and compassion. You may even have one spouse who leans in one direction and the other spouse in favor of the other. This can create conflict within the home, between spouses, parent and child, or between siblings and even other parents. One may get angry and say, "You're way too lenient, your way is too harsh, you're a helicopter parent, you let your kids get away with anything. Your house is chaos, your house looks like no fun, your kids are prisoners, you have too much structure, you don't have enough structure.” It can be very difficult to find a healthy biblical balance between grace and truth. And when a household can't find a biblical balance and leans too heavily to one side, it can lead to consequences. Too much grace and not enough truth can eventually lead to entitlement, being taken advantage of, a lack of diligence, laziness, and increasingly ungrateful children. However, too much truth and not enough grace can lead to rigidity, legalism, lack of compassion, lack of forgiveness, and increasingly lacking joy. Most parenting issues between parents and children stem from a lack of this balance in the home. Issues like disobedience, bad attitudes, entitlement, withholding forgiveness, harsh words, and lack of self-control all come from this imbalance. But it doesn't have to be this way. The good news is that as parents, you get to shape and set the culture of the household. You can change the culture if it's off. You can work together and recognize what needs to change in the atmosphere and culture of your home. You can recognize and see how every child is different and some need more grace or more truth. You can work together and even balance each other out if you are on opposite ends of this. The key to all of this is to simply recognize that something needs to change and take the first step towards creating a healthy atmosphere in your home, full of grace and truth.

Would you like to go deeper? Click the link to watch this True North resource on “Creating Healthy Environments in the Home”.