04/10
Rejoicing With Others
AN ENCOURAGEMENT
FROM A TRUE NORTH STAFF MEMBER
Let’s just say it. Rejoicing with others can sting. As much as you desire to be a good Christian there’s an elephant of bitterness and pain floating secretly in your soul. I’ve been there. Being a good Christian doesn’t mean I’ve never dealt with jealousy. Being a bad Christian doesn’t mean I’m not fully healed. There’s concepts that have helped me practice rejoicing with others that I hope offer peace to you as well.
In my case, and I’ve found others, when we lose something we assumed was guaranteed, the loss is often associated with previous pain or trauma. When my husband and I had previous pregnancies, they reminded me of all of the shortcomings in my life. Even if it’s not extremely evident; the past unhealed sting or lie peeps its head. Why is life harder for me than them? Why aren’t my loved ones healthy? I’ve never had it easy, they have. Why did this experience happen and now this new one?
We wanted a family and so we prayed about it. We knew we had some other medical complications that affected conception but that’s a story for another day. With this venture came trust and most importantly surrender. When we took that leap of faith to trust God with our family, God only spoke one word, surrender.
Great. Thanks for the lack of direction God. I guess I’ll be on my knees for at least one hour a day in worship. I’ll lift two hands instead of one on Sunday and I’ll read the word instead of Netflix. I didn’t do any of that. Surrender came with much more practical boundaries. For me it looked like no more charting my cycle. Never taking an ovulation test. Getting off the internet and social media regarding fertility and wellness culture. Reading old books on the subject, not searching fads on the internet. I had in person conversations with midwives and other professionals where they could see my face and hear my heart. I rarely attended a baby shower and, yes, I still sent gifts. I had so many boundaries that no one knew about it. I was intentional about hanging out with people not in the same struggle but people who were living like us presently. Conversations about vacations, and entertainment, and going to dinners, were the best things for me. My friends absolutely looked different and we found ourselves hanging out with much younger couples who were simply happy to be together. That was unbelievably refreshing.
We kept quiet in our struggle. Not for shame. For boundaries. I knew one suggestion or wishful thinking that didn’t align with what God spoke to me (surrender + boundaries) would just confuse me and make me consider another path.
So what the heck does any of this have to do with rejoicing for others?
Everything.
You have to start with you and God. You can’t just throw rejoicing with others as a patch on your suit of armor and walk out the door with zero confidence. You have to firmly believe what God told you, even if it was vague. Put the practical boundaries around what God told you, literally write them down, be on the same page as your spouse, then walk out the door and rejoice with your neighbor.
We conceived very quickly. Surrender. We lost our first at 10 weeks. Still surrender. We continued in our normal life for another 9 months, nothing happened. Surrender. We got pregnant again with a life altering ectopic pregnancy. Surrender. I was hospitalized for a week before Christmas. Still surrendering. I was prepared for emergency surgery while alone in the hospital. Surrender. I walked in physical pain from that experience for 11 months. Surrender.
You see how important one word from God is. My decisions and peace would have looked a whole lot different without Him FIRST. He set the foundation for all we would experience. Of course I thought surrender meant throwing out contraception and getting ready for motherhood in 9 months. I did not think surrender meant separate from certain friends, didn't choose this quicker path of healing- chose the long slow one, acknowledged those pregnancies for what they were, not what they weren’t, and many more unexpected choices that sank deep into me.
Surrender was painful but it gave me the clearest direction to walk in every day.
So what does this mean for you? First, what is God telling you and your spouse? If you’ve never prayed about your future family, start there. Even if you already have children, pray again about your future family. Give Him time to speak to you. Consider the words and boundaries I set up but ultimately follow the ones that you, God, and your spouse decide.
You have to be so content in God’s purpose for you. In your walk with Him, in how He is refining you because He is deeply refining you. Beyond family and babies and pregnancy, He is refining you.
Everyone who submits to Christ is sanctified. The person you struggle to celebrate has a sanctification you have not walked. It is not the same refinement as yours but I don’t believe God reserves more of Himself for some. If we submit to His refinement and continue to work out our salvation then the level of pruning can be equal amongst all Christians.
If you desire to relate to those you’re jealous of or angry with, start with relating to refinement. Relate that she or he understands that painful beautiful pruning just as you do. Perhaps through a different form. Don’t covet their pruning, you’re not graced for theirs, and you can’t see the full picture. Be confident in your own refinement and know God is doing just the same, in another way for them.
"So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.”
Philippians 2:12
“Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit.”
John 15:2
If the pregnancy you may be jealous of was unplanned and the person maybe has some “ignorant” comments: rejoice in that for them. I’ve said so many times to myself I am so glad they are ignorant. I don’t want them to know these boundaries and thoughts. I want them to have the most blissful ignorant pregnancy there ever was. Really what I’m saying is they’re innocent of my pain and we as Christians can always celebrate innocence.
Lastly, if the pregnancies around you are non-christians; humble yourself. The day we told our family we miscarried was the day another family member announced his girlfriend of a few months was pregnant. This was rough. I wasn’t angry with them because they don’t have the Christian principles we do but now I was angry with God.
God why am I out here blindly surrendering and an accidental pregnancy just pops up?
What’s that about God?
This is an age old question, why do good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people?
“…there are righteous people to whom it happens according to the deeds of the wicked. On the other hand, there are evil people to whom it happens according to the deeds of the righteous. I say that this too is futility. So I commended pleasure, for there is nothing good for a person under the sun except to eat, drink, and be joyful, and this will stand by him in his labor throughout the days of his life which God has given him under the sun.”
Ecclesiastes 8:14
Now you’re really discouraged because you’re thinking, great, bad things are going to happen, others will be blessed, and I’ll be slaving away at my job and making reservations at the olive garden, and life will continue to be meaningless. Read the whole book of Ecclesiastes. For a time saver I’ll let you know how it ends.
“The conclusion, when everything has been heard, is: fear God and keep His commandments, because this applies to every person. For God will bring every act to judgment, everything which is hidden, whether it is good or evil.”
Ecclesiastes 12:13
Keep your eyes on yourself, your own refinement, do for God alone, make choices for Him alone. God will bring every act to judgment. This is good news for those washed with the blood of Christ. There will be an end, there will be answers, and in the meantime, rejoice with others because you chose to work out your salvation.
In my case, and I’ve found others, when we lose something we assumed was guaranteed, the loss is often associated with previous pain or trauma. When my husband and I had previous pregnancies, they reminded me of all of the shortcomings in my life. Even if it’s not extremely evident; the past unhealed sting or lie peeps its head. Why is life harder for me than them? Why aren’t my loved ones healthy? I’ve never had it easy, they have. Why did this experience happen and now this new one?
We wanted a family and so we prayed about it. We knew we had some other medical complications that affected conception but that’s a story for another day. With this venture came trust and most importantly surrender. When we took that leap of faith to trust God with our family, God only spoke one word, surrender.
Great. Thanks for the lack of direction God. I guess I’ll be on my knees for at least one hour a day in worship. I’ll lift two hands instead of one on Sunday and I’ll read the word instead of Netflix. I didn’t do any of that. Surrender came with much more practical boundaries. For me it looked like no more charting my cycle. Never taking an ovulation test. Getting off the internet and social media regarding fertility and wellness culture. Reading old books on the subject, not searching fads on the internet. I had in person conversations with midwives and other professionals where they could see my face and hear my heart. I rarely attended a baby shower and, yes, I still sent gifts. I had so many boundaries that no one knew about it. I was intentional about hanging out with people not in the same struggle but people who were living like us presently. Conversations about vacations, and entertainment, and going to dinners, were the best things for me. My friends absolutely looked different and we found ourselves hanging out with much younger couples who were simply happy to be together. That was unbelievably refreshing.
We kept quiet in our struggle. Not for shame. For boundaries. I knew one suggestion or wishful thinking that didn’t align with what God spoke to me (surrender + boundaries) would just confuse me and make me consider another path.
So what the heck does any of this have to do with rejoicing for others?
Everything.
You have to start with you and God. You can’t just throw rejoicing with others as a patch on your suit of armor and walk out the door with zero confidence. You have to firmly believe what God told you, even if it was vague. Put the practical boundaries around what God told you, literally write them down, be on the same page as your spouse, then walk out the door and rejoice with your neighbor.
We conceived very quickly. Surrender. We lost our first at 10 weeks. Still surrender. We continued in our normal life for another 9 months, nothing happened. Surrender. We got pregnant again with a life altering ectopic pregnancy. Surrender. I was hospitalized for a week before Christmas. Still surrendering. I was prepared for emergency surgery while alone in the hospital. Surrender. I walked in physical pain from that experience for 11 months. Surrender.
You see how important one word from God is. My decisions and peace would have looked a whole lot different without Him FIRST. He set the foundation for all we would experience. Of course I thought surrender meant throwing out contraception and getting ready for motherhood in 9 months. I did not think surrender meant separate from certain friends, didn't choose this quicker path of healing- chose the long slow one, acknowledged those pregnancies for what they were, not what they weren’t, and many more unexpected choices that sank deep into me.
Surrender was painful but it gave me the clearest direction to walk in every day.
So what does this mean for you? First, what is God telling you and your spouse? If you’ve never prayed about your future family, start there. Even if you already have children, pray again about your future family. Give Him time to speak to you. Consider the words and boundaries I set up but ultimately follow the ones that you, God, and your spouse decide.
You have to be so content in God’s purpose for you. In your walk with Him, in how He is refining you because He is deeply refining you. Beyond family and babies and pregnancy, He is refining you.
Everyone who submits to Christ is sanctified. The person you struggle to celebrate has a sanctification you have not walked. It is not the same refinement as yours but I don’t believe God reserves more of Himself for some. If we submit to His refinement and continue to work out our salvation then the level of pruning can be equal amongst all Christians.
If you desire to relate to those you’re jealous of or angry with, start with relating to refinement. Relate that she or he understands that painful beautiful pruning just as you do. Perhaps through a different form. Don’t covet their pruning, you’re not graced for theirs, and you can’t see the full picture. Be confident in your own refinement and know God is doing just the same, in another way for them.
"So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.”
Philippians 2:12
“Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit.”
John 15:2
If the pregnancy you may be jealous of was unplanned and the person maybe has some “ignorant” comments: rejoice in that for them. I’ve said so many times to myself I am so glad they are ignorant. I don’t want them to know these boundaries and thoughts. I want them to have the most blissful ignorant pregnancy there ever was. Really what I’m saying is they’re innocent of my pain and we as Christians can always celebrate innocence.
Lastly, if the pregnancies around you are non-christians; humble yourself. The day we told our family we miscarried was the day another family member announced his girlfriend of a few months was pregnant. This was rough. I wasn’t angry with them because they don’t have the Christian principles we do but now I was angry with God.
God why am I out here blindly surrendering and an accidental pregnancy just pops up?
What’s that about God?
This is an age old question, why do good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people?
“…there are righteous people to whom it happens according to the deeds of the wicked. On the other hand, there are evil people to whom it happens according to the deeds of the righteous. I say that this too is futility. So I commended pleasure, for there is nothing good for a person under the sun except to eat, drink, and be joyful, and this will stand by him in his labor throughout the days of his life which God has given him under the sun.”
Ecclesiastes 8:14
Now you’re really discouraged because you’re thinking, great, bad things are going to happen, others will be blessed, and I’ll be slaving away at my job and making reservations at the olive garden, and life will continue to be meaningless. Read the whole book of Ecclesiastes. For a time saver I’ll let you know how it ends.
“The conclusion, when everything has been heard, is: fear God and keep His commandments, because this applies to every person. For God will bring every act to judgment, everything which is hidden, whether it is good or evil.”
Ecclesiastes 12:13
Keep your eyes on yourself, your own refinement, do for God alone, make choices for Him alone. God will bring every act to judgment. This is good news for those washed with the blood of Christ. There will be an end, there will be answers, and in the meantime, rejoice with others because you chose to work out your salvation.
BIBLICAL COMMUNITY
Crews are the small groups at True North that meet every other week. These groups are an amazing source of community, prayer, and encouragement as you navigate your Christian walk. We encourage you to click the link below to check out some of our Crews in hopes that you join one: