07/10
Equally Yoked
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”
2 Corinthians 6:14
“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”
Hebrews 13:4
This is a difficult question and one that comes up often. The reason it's difficult is that there are many great people out there. But just because they are attractive or have an attractive personality doesn't mean we should enter into a dating relationship with them. So, how do we know if a person is the right one to take that next step and begin dating? Or, if you are already dating, how do you know you should keep dating this person, or if you should take the next step and get engaged?
A good and wise approach to this dilemma is by asking and honestly answering these 5 questions:
1. Are we equally yoked?
This biblical idea comes from the picture of when farmers would yoke or harness two oxen together. If one big and strong oxen were yoked with a weaker one, the plow would not make straight lines. So the farmer always yoked two oxen of equal strength together. The idea Paul was communicating to the church in Corinth is that in relationships, there should be a similarity of spiritual maturity, direction, and vision for your life. Christians shouldn't date non-Christians, and mature Christians shouldn't date immature Christians. The bottom line is that the person you date should be in a similar spiritual place as you are and heading in the same direction.
2. Are we individually healthy?
The truth is that unhealthy people lead to unhealthy relationships. So a great question to ask is if you are spiritually, mentally, physically, socially, and emotionally healthy. Also, is the person you are interested in healthy in those areas? Remember that simply stepping into a relationship is not a solution to make something unhealthy healthy. In fact, the opposite is true. Stepping into high levels of relationship will accentuate and magnify areas lacking health. The best place to move from lacking health to being healthy is in seasons of singleness.
3. Are we committed to each others' purity?
Those who are in a dating relationship should practice purity for the sake of their future marriage. They can start keeping the marriage bed honorable and undefiled by setting boundaries and guardrails physically during their season of dating. If the relationship doesn’t end in marriage, nothing was defiled and there was no sexual immorality. If the person you start dating isn't committed to your purity, you should end the relationship. (This goes for you as well. You should be committed to their purity.)
4. Is there a level of mutual trust?
This was gone over in the previous post about the importance of having trust in a relationship, but if after a period of friendship or even after a few dates, you feel like that person does not carry the right Character, Connection, Confidentiality, Consistency, and Commitment, don't even bother taking another step with them. Allow them to learn and grow in these 5 areas on their own before you would even think of giving them another chance.
5. Do we have peace?
When God is in a relationship, you will have a level of peace about that relationship. But when there are red flags that you try to ignore, you will have a sense of unease or hesitation. That lack of peace may be the Lord trying to tell you that either you or the other person are not ready to step into a dating relationship.
2 Corinthians 6:14
“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”
Hebrews 13:4
This is a difficult question and one that comes up often. The reason it's difficult is that there are many great people out there. But just because they are attractive or have an attractive personality doesn't mean we should enter into a dating relationship with them. So, how do we know if a person is the right one to take that next step and begin dating? Or, if you are already dating, how do you know you should keep dating this person, or if you should take the next step and get engaged?
A good and wise approach to this dilemma is by asking and honestly answering these 5 questions:
1. Are we equally yoked?
This biblical idea comes from the picture of when farmers would yoke or harness two oxen together. If one big and strong oxen were yoked with a weaker one, the plow would not make straight lines. So the farmer always yoked two oxen of equal strength together. The idea Paul was communicating to the church in Corinth is that in relationships, there should be a similarity of spiritual maturity, direction, and vision for your life. Christians shouldn't date non-Christians, and mature Christians shouldn't date immature Christians. The bottom line is that the person you date should be in a similar spiritual place as you are and heading in the same direction.
2. Are we individually healthy?
The truth is that unhealthy people lead to unhealthy relationships. So a great question to ask is if you are spiritually, mentally, physically, socially, and emotionally healthy. Also, is the person you are interested in healthy in those areas? Remember that simply stepping into a relationship is not a solution to make something unhealthy healthy. In fact, the opposite is true. Stepping into high levels of relationship will accentuate and magnify areas lacking health. The best place to move from lacking health to being healthy is in seasons of singleness.
3. Are we committed to each others' purity?
Those who are in a dating relationship should practice purity for the sake of their future marriage. They can start keeping the marriage bed honorable and undefiled by setting boundaries and guardrails physically during their season of dating. If the relationship doesn’t end in marriage, nothing was defiled and there was no sexual immorality. If the person you start dating isn't committed to your purity, you should end the relationship. (This goes for you as well. You should be committed to their purity.)
4. Is there a level of mutual trust?
This was gone over in the previous post about the importance of having trust in a relationship, but if after a period of friendship or even after a few dates, you feel like that person does not carry the right Character, Connection, Confidentiality, Consistency, and Commitment, don't even bother taking another step with them. Allow them to learn and grow in these 5 areas on their own before you would even think of giving them another chance.
5. Do we have peace?
When God is in a relationship, you will have a level of peace about that relationship. But when there are red flags that you try to ignore, you will have a sense of unease or hesitation. That lack of peace may be the Lord trying to tell you that either you or the other person are not ready to step into a dating relationship.